When people ask me why I'm still a virgin and I'm just like:
Honestly, I kinda hate the Church’s emphasis on virginity. It’s partially what made me start loathing my body at such a young age. Any kind of nudity still makes me freak out. I remember sobbing and completely breaking down in the shower when I was 15 because some…
I’m sorry that you felt that way, but there is nothing about the Church’s stance that needs to be changed. You felt self-loathing because you committed an act of sin and didn’t know how to find release from it. Being glad your virginity is gone and giving yourself to others is nothing to be proud of. After all, it wasn’t when it was gone that you found happiness nor was it when you slept with someone. That’s a moment’s pleasure and quick form of release. True happiness comes when you learned how to control your feelings and reached out to God, not man.
And keep in mind that it is never about virginity, but the pursuit of chastity. You can be a virgin and a slave to vice just as easy as the next person. What makes a soul pure is not the condition of the body, or someone’s virginity, but the condition of their heart. A pure heart, that is a heart that is centered on God alone, is far greater than one’s virginity.
I think that’s the issue though, that last thing you said. I mostly heard about virginity, rather than chastity. If I had been taught that chastity in all vocations is what’s important, I’m sure things would’ve turned out differently. Instead, I was taught that it’s virginity that’s important. And once you lose that, whether through marriage or not, you’ve lost one of the most special parts of yourself. I can’t remember where I heard it, because it was years ago, but in my more super duper traditional circles, there was this thing about virgins, especially religious, being higher up in heaven than others, because they’ve given themselves to God more than those in a married vocation by keeping their virginity. Which I totally disagree with now, and the Catholic circles I’m in disagree with now, because they’re different vocations, not lesser. Also, the self-loathing started before the sexual sin, probably around 10 old. Mainly from reading things telling me what I a lowly worm I am because I had sexual feelings that I couldn’t control. I mean, I think I was way too young for those texts now, and I understand where they’re coming from now. But I still don’t feel comfortable with the emphasis on virginity over chastity that I keep seeing. Maybe you’ve gotten differently, but the Church I was involved in was that way. I hope I’m making sense >.
The only true riches are those that make us rich in virtue. Therefore, if you want to be rich, beloved, love true riches. If you aspire to the heights of real honor, strive to reach the kingdom of Heaven. If you value rank and renown, hasten to be enrolled in the heavenly court of the Angels. –St. Gregory the Great.
St. Mary Magdalene was an adulterer who changed her life and became a devoted follower of Christ, receiving the Eucharist directly from Heaven. She is a prime example of how one can become transformed by Christ. Our past is simply that: the past. I’m sorry that you held such a strong belief that once your virtue is lost, that not only is it lost physically, but that the feeling of innocence and purity is gone as well. Unlearn what you have been taught because you are made new in Christ. Once you made up your mind to pursue a life of chastity, you allowed Christ to dwell within you and to make you pure once more. This never goes away. For as long as you have a heart and soul willing to know, love, and serve Christ, you will always be made new and your heart will be kept pure. The pursuit of virtue is what makes you rich. These are the only riches of value and they can be seen by others who carry that same love and devotion to Christ. So don’t dwell on or carry that heaviness anymore. Let it go and allow your heart to be seen.
Also in Heaven we are given crowns. Our crowns may be different; some may be larger, others adorned with jewels, and some may simply shine. But trust me when I say that we will be too blissfully happy to care! We won’t stop and wonder what they did to achieve such a lovely crown. We will just love and adore Christ. Everyone is called to become a great Saint. You are called to become a great Saint and someone in this world needs to hear your story and witness your transformation in Christ. Let it be seen. Let your new life in Christ bear witness to Christ’s love and mercy.
At the heart of our faith is love. Love accepts the sins of our past and invokes within us a great change. Love does not say that you are your past mistakes, it does not wear you down with your insecurities or mock you. Love simply transforms you. It desires the greatest good that can be given to you which is Christ. Our knowledge and love of Christ is the true gift that needs to be shared with the world nothing else.